Enneagram 8 and 5 relationship killers

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enneagram 8 and 5 relationship killers

killer wolf lemontrees's Avatar . 5's will take you in the library, on a stack of books Honestly, best i ever had was esfp-s 8 and isfj-s 7. . Sexual Fours focus their envy and hypersensitivity in their intimate relationships. Explore Jessica Mayne's board "Enneagram: Type 6" on Pinterest. | See more ideas 70 Quotes About Love and Relationships. Inspirational . Proverbs Jul 31, Explore Robert Boone's board "enneagram 5,6,7 Thinking Triad" on Pinterest. | See more ideas My Extended Enneagram Description: Type 8.

They can learn these qualities from Eights. On the other hand, Eights need to be more thoughtful and aware of the impact of their actions on themselves and on their environment. They need to know more and to think of consequences more carefully before acting.

Every action produces a reaction, and it is not necessarily the one that the Eight wants to happen. This kind of analytic foresight is something Eights can learn from Fives.

Besides these qualities, both Fives and Eights bring a common insistence on independence and non-interference from others. Both types are aware of boundaries and dislike intrusion.

Both types feel like misfits and so they understand each other's emotional core, often in an unspoken way. Both types need personal space, but when they find each other, they can both show a surprising degree of need and vulnerability.

They see the other person behind the defense, relating to each others' sense of dignity and hidden vulnerabilities. Both can be stoical toward their own suffering and unhappiness, with little or no self-pity. As a couple, they can bring power and depth, action and thoughtfulness, brilliance and brashness to their world.

enneagram 8 and 5 relationship killers

They are also the natural protectors and advisors of each other: Eights love to protect less tough Fives, and Fives help Eights recognize the subtleties for their plans and actions. These two types can therefore band together as a coalition of power and brains, a formidable combination. For example, one aspect of my own lovemap that I was unaware of for many years is my preference for a man who can fix things around the house, the way my dad did.

Partner or friend to the Enneagram 8 // How to embrace the 8

He built our family's home from the ground up, even installing his own water pipes and electric wiring. So I'm attracted to men who can "fix things," and I have little interest in a guy who has no ability as a handyman.

This is most likely because my own family experience led me to believe this is what a "real man" does. Another example from my personal lovemap is my attraction to extremely smart men who are on the quiet side. My dad was a solid, stable, introverted salt-of-the-earth man who focused on his family, doing the work and solving every problem. I've heard many psychologists say that we really cannot explain what chemistry is or why it happens between two people.

enneagram 8 and 5 relationship killers

However, I think the closest we've been able to come is through recognizing that any potential mate we're attracted to when we feel real chemistry is someone who meets the important criteria of our lovemap. Still other criteria develop from cultural ideals, media images, popular personalities or subtle role models such as teachers, neighbors or historic figures.

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If there's a deep compatibility of lovemaps between two psychologically healthy people, it can be a match made in heaven. In reality, acting on the surge of instant, powerful chemistry may lead us only to scratch the surface of our lovemap. We might see only about 5 percent of the important variables: This is a major problem for couples who get married quickly or start living together shortly after falling in love. As we get deeper into the layers of our unconscious traits, values and belief systems, the honeymoon is often over.

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Small wonder that the divorce rate in Southern California, where I live and work, is well over 50 percent. One of the biggest problems is that many of the components of our lovemap are deeply buried in the unconscious and hidden from our awareness.

Most of us couldn't fully describe our internal lovemap if our life depended on it. Typically, we become conscious of these specific traits and expectations only when we're shocked by our partner's behavior, when we feel betrayed or violated.

Relationships (Type Combinations) — The Enneagram Institute

It's likely that we didn't know something was part of our lovemap until we were confronted with a crisis that forced awareness into our conscious mind. Does everyone have a lovemap? Yes, but some of us have lovemaps that are unclear, extremely distorted or "vandalized" by traumatic events such as rape or incest or humiliating early sexual experiences that engrave unhealthy ideas and feelings onto our unconscious template for a desirable mate.

Not everyone has the wholesome benefit of identifying in a healthy way with one or both parents especially the one of the opposite sex. Elements of the lovemap can become confusing, contradictory and bizarre under conditions that set up negativity, abuse, neglect or trauma in the person's unconscious beliefs and expectations for a mate and a love relationship. For example, a person who believes he or she will be used, verbally abused and disrespected has a highly compatible lovemap with a partner who is hateful, abusive and disrespectful.

enneagram 8 and 5 relationship killers

Negative qualities in the lovemap work just as powerfully for establishing real chemistry as the positive ones. This helps explain why so many people continually attract the same kind of dysfunctional, abusive relationships. Fortunately, there are many resources for changing and healing our lovemaps. For example, we can consciously choose to identify with different or more positive role models such as aunts, uncles, therapists, media idols, historic figures or literary heroes.

Another example, in response to more complicated issues, is seeking depth therapy to raise our level of consciousness and psychological health in order to actually correct the self-sabotaging and dysfunctional aspects of our lovemap.