16 Simple Strategies For Resolving Conflict In Your Long Distance Relationship
Now that we're in an LDR (3 months in and counting) we talk on the phone 30mins-1hr every night. And I feel like we get in little arguments SO MUCH MORE. Found yourself fighting or arguing in your long distance relationship lately? Long distance relationship fights suck, don't they? I mean, arguing. Long-distance relationships are hotbeds for conflict. Doubts, misunderstandings, jealousy, prompt judgments, even missing each other can ignite an argument.
Whatever the real problem is, name it! That way you can tackle it together and focus more on problem solving than blaming and defending.
Own Your Own Stuff We talked in point six about how, if you find yourself arguing or getting annoyed about the same sort of thing over and over again e. In other words, you need to know and own your own stuff. And you need to realize that it is often these deep core issues that we are most afraid to talk to our partner about. As a result, we mask our fears and needs and insecurities by blaming our partner and complaining about their behavior.
What does this look like in action? Well, it might look something like this: Stay On Topic This point is simple, stay on topic! Resist the temptation to drag other unresolved issues into a fight.
If you stay focused on one issue, you have a much better change of resolving that issue productively. Even if you think you know exactly what someone means, it never hurts to ask questions to make sure you understand them correctly. I guarantee that if you practice asking questions you will sometimes be surprised by just how badly you have misunderstood each other.
When you ask questions, your partner will generally also feel more respected, heard, and understood.How To Stop Fighting In A Long Distance Relationship
Here are some phrases that might come in handy: Is that about right? What are we really fighting about here? Why are we fighting about this issue? Why does that feel important to you? Why has this come up now? How do you feel when…? What sort of things run through your head when…?
Listen carefully You may have noticed that all of the phrases I suggest above require you to first listen carefully to make sure you understand what the other person is trying to say, and then ask specific questions to clarify. This can really help you attack the issue, not each other.
Here are some phrases that might help: I know we love each other and we both want to work this out. Why does taking a deep breath help?
The higher our heart rate, the more stressed, angry, defensive, and anxious we will feel.
Larry and Carla
If our heart rate exceeds beats per minute, psychologist and researcher John Gottman claims, it is virtually impossible for us to absorb what our partner is saying, and therefore to have a productive discussion. Taking a deep breath helps counteract this stress reaction. Take a break Remember how we talked about the importance of taking a deep breath, way back in point 1? So, how long should you take a break for?
Most people guess that it takes them about five minutes to calm down after they get flooded during an argument. However, research suggests that once you get very worked up it will probably take closer to twenty minutes for you to really calm down. If you can offer me any advice on this I would appreciate it.
I am really lost and would hate to lose him over something that I can change. Shannon Michelle says… The distance can create high stress for a lot of couples. I know with Frank and I, this is certainly the case. So what you speak of is certainly normal and happens in a lot of long distance relationships given the circumstances.
You asked if it is normal to need reassurance in your relationship even if you know the other person loves and cares for you.
Make Your Long Distance Relationship Easy & Fun | Modern Love Long Distance
The answer is yes. Affection is mostly done through words or kind things you can do from a distance eg. Obviously this is what makes showing your love in a long distance relationship tough since it takes so much more effort than it would in a short distance relationship.
People need the reassurance no matter how far apart they are from their partner.
It is just harder in long distance relationships. How do you fix this? I would talk to him and tell him how you feel. Do this calmly and avoid getting into another argument. You may actually want to write your feelings down in an email. Tell him what I said above about how feeling loved and being loved are two different things. Really make him understand that point as it is very important since it is something a lot of people confuse.
Does he go out of his way to compliment you? These are the kinds of things you can recognize as things he does to let you know he thinks about you. Showing he cares can be as simple as helping you solve a problem and figuring something out for you. Frank will look stuff up for me all the time or give me advice about my car problems. Not everyone can be a perfect romantic that confesses their undying love through poetry and well-spoken words.
How to Deal with Conflict in Long-distance Relationships
So go easy on your boyfriend. Michelle Frank says… So, my understanding of what you are saying is that you feel he casts your feelings aside and does not understand what you are saying. I would have to spend time in your brain. I can offer tips I use to help you keep your cool during arguments.
- Here’s How You Should Handle Arguments in a Long-Distance Relationship
- Mission Possible: Dealing with Conflict in Long-distance Relationships
- Making Long Distance Relationships Easier | Loving From A Distance
Focus on your words. As you are talking pay strong attention to what you are saying and your pronunciation. Take extra time to speak properly like your English teacher would want.